Rise to the Occasion

I've talked the talk and now I'm walking the long and hard walk. Just as I promised, I don't plan to give up nor do I intend to half ass my efforts even if I keep getting stones thrown at me but I have not been able to vent all of this and it's driving me crazy. Something that frustrates me the most is that people just don't fucking understand how hard it actually is to be under this awful pressure, they don't fucking understand how it is when you don't have parents to help you, they simply DO NOT understand and they look down on me as if I was a lesser person than the one I used to be, they don't fucking understand that little, effortless compliments of my family-head activities can make my tearstained eyes pour down just because I'm having a hard time believing someone is able to tell that I've had my heart broken so many times and that regardless of that I'm still fighting the good fight.
 
I've been having so much trouble with the mother. It's well-known that until today I've been the reason this household is afloat as the woman has not worked a single day for the last year and for the most part since dad died. I have not finished my business administration and accounting courses yet, resulting in a relatively low paycheck, or at least not as high as I wish it could be.

I've passed through moments of real stress and humiliation, with people, with myself and to make matters even worse, someone robbed her car so now my own car (that costed me a lot of months of saving) has changed owner automatically and I'm left with nothing. It drives me insane that I bust my ass very hard at work and university to receive nothing in exchange. It's so taxing that it's turned my nights into restless walks through my mind and during those walks I can only find anxiety and frustration of feeling alone and unloved.

I appreciate my own effort, but even then I find myself looking hard for the recognition I believe I deserve, but nothing comes from no one, hardly anyone leans a hand when everytime they've needed it, I've lent them mine but then help is supposed to be altruistic and I shouldn't really expect much from people and still I can't help but feel aggravated and develop some sort of resentment towards me. At this point everything has been a bunch of complaints and whining although it's not the daily case, I am mostly positive and looking forward to have a better life and working hard for it, but you know, even the hardest hearts have weak moments and this is one of them. I'm going through a really tough moment right now that I just wish it'd end to wake up tomorrow feeling fine.

As needy or simplistic as it may sound, I'm just kind of wishing anyone at all will just let me hold on to them for a minute while I let my heart out and have them say everything will be okay, even if I don't necesarily feel it'll be the case

Nothing I've said makes sense, and probably these words are the lame attempt of a man asking to be a boy for an hour or two, maybe these feelings are just here today and tomorrow they'll make way to better thoughts, nevertheless in this precise moment I feel like the walls are closing me within.