It's been sometime since I last wrote in here. Mainly because I've been extremely busy with my routine life (work, college), different social circles and... a girl. In the mist of all that's transpired these last few weeks I've been extremely sad and at the same time extremely happy. I'll start with the bad news first:
My favorite band of all time broke up, again! I never realized the break up of a band could affect me this way, I literally got depressed for at least 3-4 days, my appetite was lost, I had constant headaches and I didn't even feel like playing computer games which tells much about how down I was. Now that a few days have passed I can look back and feel a little better about it now, it just hurts that three people you adore for all the inspiration they've given you suddenly go from being good friends to hating each other's guts, I guess this is similar to what people experience when their parents split up.
Blink-182 meant the world to me, it was the anthem to my youth and it was the songs that shook my entire world when I was feeling down about teenage problems. Heck! Even today they're still a big part of me when I'm going through something. During the past months they were not as popular in my playlists but after my last birthday party, I received these cupcakes from a friend that were shaped like their self-titled record and that made me instantly fall in love with them again. Anyway, I'll dedicate an entire post to these three guys sooner or later.
Now, talking about good news, I'm not going to Mexico City. How is this good news? This is good news in the sense that once I'm done with college I'll be moving to Santiago, Chile with an uncle (who really is a friend to my father), and I'll get to study my master's degree just in the perfect place, where my dad grew up! I couldn't be any more thankful for this opportunity as I'll be receiving a full scholarship for this. So far, everything's going perfectly in the academic part of my life, I finished my first grade of business administration as top of my class as well but let's move on!
Second good news is that I've got new friends and I truly get along with them, they like the best music in the whole wide world (just like me!) and we literally have so much to talk about every single day! I make them laugh and they make ME laugh, yesterday I was >literally< on the ground laughing my ass off, I could barely remember the last time I laughed so hard (actually I do remember, but good stories deserve embellishment, aye?). The most amazing part of these friendships is how I genuinely feel they have my back and I hope they know I have theirs. They support all my decisions, lately I decided to go vegetarian (trying hard to become a vegan though) and when we decided to go out for lunch and a couple beers, they were so supportive of my eating habits that they picked a place where I could have a vegan burger, which was amazing. I feel so loved by my friends, later on that same afternoon, my oldest friend called me to join him for a cup of coffee, I met the best friends just in one day and had the best of times!
Anyway, let's wrap it up because I could keep rambling all afternoon on this post about the good stuff. The last part of the good news is about a girl I've been kind of going out with. It seems like I'll also have to dedicate an exclusive post to that but so far I'll touch the subject lightly:
I don't know where this is going yet, or if something's even going to happen. I know I like her and I have the strong feeling that she likes me too. There have been a few magical moments, we've held hands, we've hugged each other multiple times, I've even cooked for her and played my music to her! This is sort of special because we've gotten to subjects about our personal lives that we barely talk to other people.
Now, now, don't be hasty to jump into conclusions!
Although everything sounds like poetry and roses, it scares the living hell out of me to fall in love again. Given how my last relationship ended, I don't feel like I could trust anyone that much anytime soon. I've exorcised most of my demons by now and I'm a far better person that I've been in the past 3-4 years, so much better actually that it sometimes surprises me how mature and thoughtful of others I can be, it had been a long time since I actually loved myself.
I just think that I don't feel ready to date someone, out of respect to my ex partner and myself. I just don't judge to be right to go out with someone just yet, it would somehow feel like insulting the three years I spent with her and I know she did not care about that but I'll always be respectful to that time and to what she means in my past. Most people are already pushing me to go out with someone because they *think* I deserve someone a lot better than my past girlfriend, and as I believe that's in part true, I don't feel ready to commit to anyone after all that happened. It was a severe failure of friendships, a failure of love, and I most likely failed to myself as she did to herself. All this means that I cannot just jump into another ship without being 100% sure that everything in me has been cleared up, yes, I'm a lot better now than I used to be, but a lot better doesn't mean ready. Yet, for all it's worth, she's extremely pretty, if it happened, she'd probably be my prettiest girlfriend to date, she's caring and her heart, jeez! So much innocence in there.
Well, well, I said I'd wrap it up and I did not so I'll finish it here. Stay tuned! Thanks for reading me and not forgetting this humble space where I share everything about me.
Until then,
R~
